Young
girls all around the world are more and more idolizing teen Pregnancy. With 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom, and other
teen pregnancy shows girls from all over are starting to have children at young
ages because it’s becoming the new ‘normal’.
“Only one out of every five teen mothers receives
any support from their child’s father, and about 80 percent end up on welfare.
Once on welfare, they are likely to remain there for a long time. In fact, half
of all current welfare recipients had their first child as a teenager”
(Sawhill). This is a result of these young mothers dropping out of school to
support their child but then cannot make a living because they have no
education background. So what can we do to make sure teen pregnancy is reduced?
We can instill sexual education classes with stricter enforcement. People may
disagree and not want it taught, especially in private Catholic schools because
Catholics state that you should have intercourse after you are married, so the
school faculty automatically thinks that curious teenagers are not having sex.
Wrong. Just from graduating a private Catholic high school and not having sex
education taught, three of my close friends ended up getting pregnant.
I believe that stronger administration needs to be implemented when it comes to the topic of sex. People always view it as a bad word or a ‘dirty’ word but as a matter of being pregnant and dropping out of school or not, the word sex doesn’t even compare to the lifelong words that people may call you. If we can spread the word about prevention of teen pregnancy, we will be on a brighter path of more couples either using protection or just not having sex. From my mother being a teen mom, I know first hand the struggles that she had to go to just to support herself and I. People may view it as being cool, and ‘hip’, but is cool going to get you places in the long run or will book smarts? Actions do speak louder than words, and they have their consequences. Even though a baby is not a consequence, the future has its negatives such as dropping out of school, not being able to find a stable job etc. Now not all drop out of school, and are successful in life but that is a very miniscule group. An increase in sex education may or may not reduce the amount of teen pregnancies, but from personal experience, especially in private school, an escalation in the program would benefit so many students that it may hit them, harshly, with reality, which is necessary.
I believe that stronger administration needs to be implemented when it comes to the topic of sex. People always view it as a bad word or a ‘dirty’ word but as a matter of being pregnant and dropping out of school or not, the word sex doesn’t even compare to the lifelong words that people may call you. If we can spread the word about prevention of teen pregnancy, we will be on a brighter path of more couples either using protection or just not having sex. From my mother being a teen mom, I know first hand the struggles that she had to go to just to support herself and I. People may view it as being cool, and ‘hip’, but is cool going to get you places in the long run or will book smarts? Actions do speak louder than words, and they have their consequences. Even though a baby is not a consequence, the future has its negatives such as dropping out of school, not being able to find a stable job etc. Now not all drop out of school, and are successful in life but that is a very miniscule group. An increase in sex education may or may not reduce the amount of teen pregnancies, but from personal experience, especially in private school, an escalation in the program would benefit so many students that it may hit them, harshly, with reality, which is necessary.
Works Cited
Sawhill,
Isabel. "What Can Be Done to Reduce Teen Pregnancy and Out-of-Wedlock
Births?" Brookings
Institution. Welfare, Reform & Beyond, Oct. 2001. Web. 10
Mar. 2013.
<http://www.brookings.edu/es/wrb/publications/pb/pb08.pdf>.
Topic sentence- The topic sentence is strong and it tells me what the paper's going to be on.
ReplyDeleteSupport- The author used some rhetoric to support the argument; supported her argument well.
Transitions- It had good transition sentences.
Quote- The author found a quote that gets me into thinking more about the topic; very touchy quote.
Grammar and spelling- It had good grammar and spelling.
Strong argument- It does have a strong argument; supports the argument very well.
One compliment- The argument was very interesting. The author supports her argument very well.
One suggestion- Try dividing the paragraph into several different paragraphs, because it kind of looks chunky.
Topic sentence - I like your topic sentence, but I think it might flow better if you reworded it a little.
ReplyDeleteSupport - You provided really good support! I like that you mention sex ed in schools as a factor. I'm pretty sure there are studies out there that show states with abstinence-only education laws have the highest rate of teen pregnancy. (Whoops.)
Transitions - Good transitions, your main points flowed together well.
Quote - Good quote, but could be integrated better.
Grammar and spelling - Everything seems fine as far as I can tell, except that in your first sentence, "pregnancy" doesn't need to be capitalized.
Strong argument - You have a great argument and I love that you provide potential solutions.
One compliment - It's awesome that you used your personal experience to strengthen your argument!
One suggestion - Indent your paragraphs! There are also a few fragment sentences you might want to consider revising.
Topic Sentence: Your topic sentence explains exactly what you will be talking about.
ReplyDeleteSupport: You used enough support together with your own opinion.
Transitions: You are using good transition words.
Quote: The quote and MLA-citation are good. No comment on that.
Grammar and spelling: The grammar and spelling used are good an appropriate.
Strong argument: You have a good strong argument.
One compliment: I like your background and blog layout. You already know what your blog is about by seeing the background.
One suggestion: Divide your text in some paragraphs. This will make it easier to read.
Topic sentence: Good topic sentence, really said what the paper was going to be about.
ReplyDeleteSupport: Could use more support, it's lots of opinion
Transitions: Good transitions, I like the attitude of the paper
Quote: Nice quote sandwich, no complaints
Grammar and spelling: You write like you are in a conversation almost, it keeps my attention.
Strong argument: I very much agree with your argument.
One Compliment: I like everything you said, you have personal experience. Also coming from a private school I can say that my school was very ignorant as to what kids do. And I hate how you become a celebrity for getting pregnant young.
One suggestion: Make paragraphs. You have one great fact, maybe find another.
Topic sentence – Your topic sentence is very strong, and it includes both your opinion and the topic.
ReplyDeleteSupport – You had good support from different resources.
Transitions – Paragraphs would make this transition much easier.
Quote (in "quote sandwich" format with proper MLA citation) – You included very relevant and useful quotes in your post.
Grammar and spelling: You had good spelling and grammar.
Strong argument: Your argument was very strong, and had good background information, support, and facts.
One compliment: I like both the topic and the way that you supported your argument. This was a good post.
One suggestion: Forming this into separate paragraphs would help with fluency and transition.
-Topic Sentence: Your topic sentences is not bad.
ReplyDelete-Support: Explains pretty well within the topic. Used outside information to describe the consequences for teen girls having a baby.
-Transitions: Has good transitions added to sentences.
-Quote: Added a good quote and citation but having integration can be better.
-Grammar & Spelling: "I" statements should be avoided on your blog post.
-Strong Argument: I would agree that your argument is pretty strong for your topic.
One compliment: Great discussion on your topic, especially when pointing out the facts on pregnant teens.
One suggestion: Try to add more details about teenage girl's support to their family or friends.
Topic sentence: Your topic sentence looks strong.
ReplyDeleteSupport: you have a good support sentence.
Transitions: The transitions are good in the entire paragraph.
Quote: it is nicely quoted.
Grammar and spelling: Grammar is pretty good.
Strong argument:The argument is strong about the topic.
One compliment: It is a great topic and i believe the argument is very strong too.
One suggestion: divide your paragraph might help the reader better.
Topic Sentence- Topic sentence was really good.
ReplyDeleteSupport-Have good facts and statistics
Transitions- Your transitions were smooth.
Grammar and spelling- spelling was good.
Strong Argument- the argument was clear and was really stron
The blog is very interesting and the background goes with the topic.